Watched Ant-Man on the plane. It’s a good clean perfectly functional Marvel formula with its own spin. It isn’t FANTASTIC but it does absolutely nothing WRONG either. It’s good. 8/10. Ethnic bullshit was a little annoying as was sexist bullshit but at least they’re working on it. Just a reminder that there’s STILL NO BLACK WIDOW MOVIE MOTHERFUCKERS. Aannyway, the Marvel formula is pick-a-genre-add-comedy-add-superhero, yeah? Iron Man is Technothriller Superhero, Cap 1 was WW2 Superhero, Cap 2 was 70s Political Spy Thriller Superhero, Hulk was Godzilla Superhero*.
Ant-Man is Heist Movie Superhero.
(maybe that’s why the Thor movies suck. They don’t execute their sub-niche. And of course, some people will tell me the Thor movies don't suck. And I will look down from my high horse and tell them, "No, you suck." Verily.)
- Masters Degree in Electrical Engineering but you don’t know what ‘subatomic’ means? Bullshit. I hate when geeks are written by non-geeks. Even smart non-geeks because they still don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about
- Paul Rudd got in the obligatory Marvel Male Shirtless Scene. That was cool. I like how they hid the incipient romance from everyone including the audience. Good shit. What happens to his baby mama though?
- Falcon fight was hilarious. Shrinking powers are sooo OP pls nerf srsly
- Did Scott actually get paid for any of this? Pym is such a dick
- I liked Pym’s dismissal of the Iron Man suit as ‘cute’ compared to his suit which plays with the very fabric of reality.
- which is true by the way. I sense they might use that as the gateway to Doctor Strange
- I liked Pym in general. His acerbically mellow arrogance pleases me
- Tank keychain, motherfuckers!!
- shrinking tech is INSANELY POWERFUL, no fooling
- How did they do young Michael Douglas so well by the way. CGI smoothing on his face, Gordon Gecko hair and acting for the rest, yeah? Cool. Helps that Michael Douglas is old as shit so he didn’t have to play his 20something year old self in the 80s because in the 80s he was like late 40s or something yeah. Well, he looked it anyway
- 80s!Howard Stark was hilarious. Don Draper’s right hand man, that coolass rich dude? Yeah, him. Now THAT was some perfect stunt-casting.
- fight scene inside a briefcase was awesome. Fight scene atop Thomas the Tank Engine was gold. Giant ant and Giant Thomas the Tank Engine? Priceless. Also, Giant Man is coming
- ‘looking for a guy who shrinks’ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAooohhh I laughed till I peed
- I cried when Pym told his daughter how her mom died. Understandable given my particular circumstances. Also, I just might be a fucking pussy. Full of estrogen and shit. Yeah.
- fathers and daughters, yeah.
- of course the villain’s relationship with Pym shows that fathers and sons are quite the issue too. How did the granddad on Blackish put it? “Sons are just pale disappointing reflections of ourselves”? That is, when they aren’t our best and worst traits turned up to eleven
- shrinking makes everything awesome. Running through a scale model of a building while full-size bullets rip everything to shreds turns a perfectly ordinary gun battle into Normandy. It’s like the poetic inverse of the climactic gun battle from Django Unchained
- the insect control was simultaneously awesome and incongruent. It was awesome because using EM signals to neurologically fake scent trails for the insects to follow is inspired and soooo versatile, incongruent because it has nothing to do with the shrinking tech.
- then again, between that and the signal jammer, it shows Pym wasn’t a one-trick pony. In his own way, he was every bit as brilliant as Tony Stark
- Mentor figure lives! Hell yes!
- Civil War flashforward, woohoo! “This would have been a lot easier a week ago.” The Accords, huh. “I know a guy” huh. So cool. So that’s how Antman joins the Avengers. He fights the power alongside Cap, Falcon, Winter Soldier and whoever else stays on their side.
*The Avengers movies are of course Superhero Superhero movies.
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